mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
