I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Randomize
