every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Randomize
