This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
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