My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
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