Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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