woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
