Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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