Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
