Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
and you fell through a lawn chair
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
