the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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