did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
