i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
