so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
