Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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