You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
