i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
