So drunk its hurt
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
