the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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