Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
