I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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