Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
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