What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
