why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize