I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize