I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize