I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
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