Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
