She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize