I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
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