I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
