found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I am one with the molecules
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
