Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
