Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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