Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
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