tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Barsexuality is the new black.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Randomize
