have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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