Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
