this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
this beer tastes like vomit already
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
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