So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
