i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Randomize