do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Be still, my beating vagina.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
