just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Randomize
