Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Randomize
