How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Randomize
