I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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