This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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