so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
