I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
