i just wanna soil my oats bro
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
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