when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
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