What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
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