yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Randomize
