planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Go christen that room with your naked body.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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