i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
