i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
