God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
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