There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
