that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
