thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
