after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
