Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
