GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
