I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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